Funny Poems

What To Do About Grandma 

When grandma goes to sleep at night,
I shut all the windows and doors.
I put cotton in my ears because, well,
my grandma snores.

She snores so loud it jiggles the house
and makes the shutters shake.
One time our neighbors ran out screaming -
they thought there was an earthquake!

Another time she snored so loud
our ears and noses bled.
Now everyone runs for cover
when my grandma goes to bed.

Yes, grandma's known for snoring.
She's known all over town.
Even power saws and freight trains
tell my grandma to pipe down.

She's louder than a motor bike
or a great big thunder clap.
Oh dear! Oh no! I've got to go!
It's time for grandma's nap!
            Arden Davidson

My Pig won't let me watch TV!

My pig won't let me watch TV,

It's totally unfair.

He watches anything he wants

But doesn't ever share.

I never get to watch cartoons

Or anything like that.

He's busy watching farming shows,

I should have got a cat.

I should have got a goldfish

Or a guinea pig or goat.

Instead, I've got this pig

Who’s always hogging the remote.

Kenn Nesbitt

Beautiful Soup

BEAUTIFUL Soup, so rich and green,

Waiting in a hot tureen!

Who for such dainties would not stoop?

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!

Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,

Beautiful, beautiful Soup!

Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,

Game, or any other dish?

Who would not give all else for two

Pennyworth only of Beautiful Soup?

Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!

Beau--ootiful Soo-oop!

Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,

Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!

Lewis Carroll

April Fool's Day

Mackenzie put a whoopee cushion

on the teacher's chair.

Makayla told the teacher

that a bug was in her hair.

Alyssa brought an apple

with a purple gummy worm

and gave it to the teacher

just to see if she would squirm.

Elijah left a piece of plastic

dog doo on the floor,

and Vincent put some plastic vomit

in the teacher's drawer.

Amanda put a goldfish

in the teacher's drinking glass.

These April Fool's Day pranks

are ones that you could use in class.

Before you go and try them, though,

there's something I should mention:

The teacher wasn't fooling

when she put us in detention.

Kenn Nesbitt

My Staff

I have my staff, to lean upon,

As I go through the world.

Wherever I go singing a song,

And life daily unfurls.

An oaken staff, steady and strong,

That I hold in my hand.

With it I can do no wrong,

Walking through this land.

Always in front leading the way,

Opening new trails.

In darkest night, or brightest day,

My staff, she never fails.

Juan Olivarez

Smell

A rush of sweetness

Fills my nostrils.

I almost seem to dance

In its stream,

As lucid as I imagine it be.

I swirl with every inhale.

Savour.

Exhale quickly

To take a shot of purity

Once again.

A greenhouse

Of the most lush flowers

Won't compare.

I swim in its colourful, sweet mist.

This is

Heaven for a nose.

Jesse Palma